“There is never a non-sacred moment. His presence never diminishes. Our awareness of His presence may falter, but the reality of His presence never changes.” -Max Lucado
Recently, in the middle of prayer and just waiting for answers; God told me that this is not a season for words. And with just that, I knew exactly what He meant. I’m in a season where I don’t need people to say cliché Christian phrases or quote the Bible at me. I don’t need to speak much when I go to pray. In fact, I don’t even need God to say anything. I need a season of quiet- not of words, but of power and presence. As soon as I heard it, I agreed. I was tired of people throwing out useless encouragement at me throughout my season of life or repeating petty stories to try to make me “feel good”. I didn’t need to hear things- I just needed to feel. To tangibly feel love from people and to feel the physical presence of love from God Himself. I knew that words wouldn’t help me anymore- I just needed love. My prayer after followed like this:
God, make me more aware of your Presence.
I need to feel it more- because when your presence comes: everything else fades away.
Nothing matters, and nothing stays
Even though entering a season of silence was going to be tough- I was excited about it. Because I knew it was what I needed, and I was confident God was going to give me whatever else I was lacking as well. There are things words can’t do for you, and I was tired of hearing all the noise. I was ready to feel and know the goodness of God. The Bible says, “Taste and see”. Hearing is only one of our senses- so why should we value words above anything else? I needed to feel, smell, see, and taste the love of God in this season; so words alone just simply wouldn’t cut it. It’s not enough.
Honestly, so far- it’s been incredible. I seek out the silent places. I crave the quiet; I do my best to avoid the talk and the voices. I tune out. I go to public places to be with people; but I don’t always listen or speak. I just want to be. To hug and laugh and smile- tangible love. I’ve kind of avoided the deep conversations, not because they’re detrimental (I usually love deep conversations and can turn any subject into some profound discussion) but because they’re unnecessary. They aren’t doing anything for me in this stage of my life. I need laughter, I need fun. I need peace. The heart-to-heart talks aren’t feeding me in this stage of life and that’s alright. I’m ohkay with the silence because it’s good for my soul.
The other day- I was honestly somewhat confused and amazed. I realized that I felt so close to God in this season; His presence was so tangible. And I never felt a separation between secular and sacred. Everywhere I went I just sensed His presence so strongly- and I was constantly very aware of Him. However- I hadn’t spent nearly as much time in my word as I normally do, and many of my times with Him simply were just sitting. Or journaling. Or worshipping. Very little reading. At first I felt guilty, but then I remembered what this whole season was about: no words. I wasn’t finding Him through the Bible because I was finding Him everywhere else. I didn’t need to be fed the word because I was feasting on what was inside of me and around me. I didn’t need His voice because I was in constant life with His presence. His presence was so thick and tangible and constant, that I didn’t have to rely on anything else. Why should I feel guilty for feeling so close with God; that instead of simply reading His letter to me, I just choose to sit with Him? I would find fullness in the simple act of being. This is a season unlike any I have had before- but I can’t deny that He is completely present. He is in this. I may not understand or be able to explain; but I know what He said and I know who He is. The words don’t have power like the life does. Bill Johnson says it best in his book, When Heaven Invades Earth: “It’s God Himself we long for…. We can and must know the God of the Bible by experience.” He goes on and on in the chapter about how the book (the words) doesn’t hold the power like His presence and His being. We must know God, know His voice, and live through the presence and the spirit daily. This is what I’m discovering in this time. Letting go of what I know- what has me feeling safe and comfortable- and clinging to His active presence. His spirit. His breath. Following the God of the Word instead of the Word of God.
This is what I wrote after discovering all this and hearing Bill’s perspective as well:
~~~ I had a revelation- and it sets with me so well! I’ve been craving so deeply the love and the presence of God lately- in this season. But yet I don’t usually turn to the Word… Why do I not want to open my Bible when I have such a strong desire for Him? Because it isn’t about what he said, but what He’s saying. His live presence. His active voice. I have so many Holy Moments sitting in my car. (seriously) With music playing or just sitting. He just comes in and invades everything. And I don’t have to ‘read my Bible’ or ‘pray a prayer’. I’ve already invited Him, so He just comes. And I don’t want Him to leave. I don’t crave the scripture because His tangible presence is so strong and so real. It completely sustains me. So why do I need anything else? My spirit is alive with the Holy Spirit Fire- and I want that so much more than just religious intelligence. ~~~
Prone to Wonder 